1 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,679 Nathan, have you got a boyfriend? You don't have to say but... 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,149 - lt's not about being gay... - l'm not! 3 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,550 (Donna) 'What you gonna do? What you gonna tell her?' 4 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,676 - l can't! - You'll have to! 5 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:22,278 Ah, Stuart and Vince. Cameron Roberts, l did Phil's accounts. 6 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,955 As a matter of fact l'm dead good-looking. l was told. 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,429 Well, you are. 8 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,156 Aye aye, Bernie, one of yours? 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,915 You won't shift him tonight. Clever little bugger. 10 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,356 Well, if we can get him home you're coming with me. 11 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,876 - Take him, it's his fault. - Fuck off, Vince. 12 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,193 (Nathan moaning) 13 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,996 (Alarm beeping) 14 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,513 (Alarm stops) 15 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,112 Right, come on, move, l've got work. 16 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,475 Oi! l said out! 17 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,351 And you. 18 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:47,879 (Radio) 'The sun goes down tonight at nineteen minutes to five.' 19 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,475 Right, come on, shift your arse, l've got to sign on. 20 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:56,111 '..in 33 days. Four days to go till the Corrs play live...' 21 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,156 (Dog barking) 22 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:04,309 That was all right last night, wasn't it? Bit of a laugh. 23 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,436 Am l gonna see you again or what? 24 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,760 - You can see me now. - Oh, fuck off. 25 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,395 - Uncle Stuart! - Call the police! 26 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,436 Mad children on the loose! 27 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,671 They do recognise you. Thomas, say your piece. 28 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,593 Mum says your phone's broke. You never call back. 29 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,911 Tell your mother she's not clever and she's not funny. 30 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,877 - Bye, Stuart. - Bye, Stu. 31 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,599 - See ya. - Who are they? 32 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:39,070 Those nice men were fixing your uncle's plumbing. 33 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,271 ls that my shirt? ls it ironed? l met this bloke, 34 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,033 thought he was nice but when l woke up... 35 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:51,432 You could have been dead. Your mother's coming. Shall l tell her? 36 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:56,992 She's hanging on but if l tell her what you're doing she'll have you back home! 37 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,038 Do you want me to tell her?! Do you? 38 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,439 No. 39 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,157 - Anything else to say? - Sorry. 40 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,152 You're in this house on a favour, sunshine. 41 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,196 Don't piss me off. 42 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,475 - Hi! - Sorry l'm late. 43 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,516 Here he is. 44 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,751 Scrubbed and pressed. See you tonight! 45 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,955 - Phew. - Why do you bother? 46 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:32,079 That's for the shoppin'. And a bit extra if he needs any pens. 47 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,039 Don't buy him more than two at once, he's always losing 'em. 48 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,071 Tonight? lt's not much warning, is it? 49 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,515 l know. l did ask Louise but... 50 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,708 Since their dad went they think l'm gonna disappear too. 51 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,633 lf you baby-sit they'll be so excited. 52 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,518 - What's his name? - Malcolm. 53 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,875 Don't laugh! 54 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:02,272 He's from the office, he's a bit of an idiot, he's got really funny teeth. 55 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,999 But he asked me out - it's good enough for me. 56 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:10,239 lt's just work. l'm up to my eyes. Can't you ask Mum? 57 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,039 - Tell her l have a date? - Good point. 58 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,792 (Kids yelling) 59 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,919 Do you ever go on dates? Proper sit-down-for-dinner dates? 60 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,356 Yeah, yeah, l did once. Shagged the waiter. 61 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:29,032 OK. l'll do it. 62 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:33,796 - l'll pick you up usual time. - Don't give me a lift, it's embarrassing. 63 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,793 lf you'd rather not be embarrassed then you know what to do. 64 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:42,670 Come home tonight, love. Just for tea. Your sister'd love to see you. 65 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,910 And there won't be any trouble. 66 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:50,109 l'll pick you up tonight. l'm not giving up, Nathan! 67 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,156 l'm not walking out! 68 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:57,318 There's an offer on coffee, two for one. Might as well stock up. 69 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,755 And double the points on your card. 70 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,671 Get us a box of Weetabix. 71 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,350 - Your breakfast's 20 Bensons. - For Little Lord Fauntleroy. 72 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:12,879 l'm not shopping for him. What else does he want? Angel Delight? Nappies? 73 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,316 Get me a big box of Surf, l've got double the laundry. 74 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,359 l'd forgotten how much teenage boys masturbate. 75 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,839 Mum! 76 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,230 - Stiff as a board. - Don't wash 'em, l'll have 'em! 77 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,231 Bernard says he'll have 'em. 78 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:32,678 lt's like an 0898 number. l'll bring the stuff round in the afternoon. 79 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:37,788 We're having words about Nathan. lt's a fortnight now, it's ridiculous. 80 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,195 'Scuse me, sir. 81 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:46,909 Sue, put that on staff discount and put my name on it. Ta. 82 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,877 You're busy, l'll just go. 83 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,878 Oh, my God. Sorry. Yeah. 84 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,316 - Cameron. We met at Phil's funeral. - Yeah, course. 85 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,597 - Sorry. Vince. - l know. 86 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,149 Well, bit of a coincidence. 87 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:08,279 Not really. Phil told me you worked here so l came looking. 88 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,432 Just thought you might fancy dinner tonight. 89 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,718 - Sorry, not at work, you know? - (Whispers) ls that a yes or a no? 90 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,792 l don't know. l might be doing all sorts. 91 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,836 lt's all right, no pressure. 92 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,797 Here's my card. 93 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,190 - Think about it. - Yeah, right. Nice card. 94 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,236 Call me. 95 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,316 So why has it got to be me? 96 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:40,235 He's dull as ditchwater, wife and three kids, one at Oxford, blah blah blah. 97 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,675 So no shock tactics, just behave. 98 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,196 Nice meal, couple of brandies and get him to sign. 99 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,396 Martin. 100 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:52,439 - Stuart. l've heard a lot about you. - All of it lies. 101 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,636 Sandra can book us a restaurant 102 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,315 or Bridgewater Hall if you'd prefer a concert. 103 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,550 - (Mobile phone) - Excuse me. 104 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,279 There's a production of Twelfth Night... 105 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,478 - So we're talking now? - Shut your face. Complete emergency. 106 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,915 l've been asked out - on a date. 107 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,798 Do you remember? Cameron Roberts. 108 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,429 We were stood by the buffet, he was taller than you, 109 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,069 - Australian. - Oh, yeah, the blind Australian. 110 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,116 - Was he nice? - Well... 111 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,876 Like, he used to be nice when he was young but he's, what, at least 36 112 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:31,238 and he's an accountant so he's probably gonna sell me a pension. 113 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,392 - Phil's dead so he's got a gap. - Take the initiative. 114 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,438 Seduce him over the portfolios. 115 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,233 There's other things l could be doing. 116 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,596 Like throwing that kid out of my mother's house. 117 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,238 (Chuckles) 118 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,788 l thought you might apologise. Course not. 119 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,633 A day like that you need a shag at the end of it. 120 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:56,111 But he's waiting for the next shag so he'll stop there till he gets it. 121 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,159 - Why does it bother you? - Cos every time l go round Hazel's 122 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,708 there he is - she's cookin' him tea! 123 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,916 - (Chuckles) - Same old story. 124 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,913 lt's like that Alan Lucas, he falls in love with you 125 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,879 and ends up locking himself in my bathroom. 126 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,269 Said he wouldn't shift till you come round. 127 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,750 He was in there three hours, he was eating toothpaste! 128 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,628 l couldn't use my own toilet, l had to piss in the sink. 129 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,269 - That's what happens because of you... - Mr Roberts? 130 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:30,273 Yeah, l've got Mr Tyler here for you. Putting you though. 131 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,556 Go on! 132 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:38,236 Hi, it's Vince, yeah. 133 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,199 No, he's a trainee. A bit useless. 134 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,356 l'm sort of busy. 135 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,795 Erm, l'll give you a call in a week. 136 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,477 No. The thing is l'm really sort of... 137 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,078 All right then. OK. 138 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,908 l'm having dinner. Eight o'clock tonight. 139 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,639 - Yes! - (Beeps horn) 140 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,676 He's got a date! 141 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,832 l've got a pension. You bastard! 142 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,715 The concert begins at eight so l'll pick you up at ten to. 143 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,872 l did think, er... l mean, the concert. But... 144 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,236 l thought we'd have a touch more fun, you know, 145 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:32,154 - if we went to your sort of place. - My sort of place? 146 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,629 Your sort of place. 147 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,712 Jesus Christ, is there no one straight left in the world? 148 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,791 Martin! Twist my arm! 149 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,108 That history project, when's it due? 150 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,111 Monday. 151 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,351 l'll take a look at it Sunday. ls that all right? 152 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,351 Fine. Come for tea. 153 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:55,228 - lt's like having two mothers! - And whose fault is that? 154 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:02,474 Give it time, we'll wear him down. 155 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,268 l've banned EastEnders. He's livid. 156 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,875 lt's simple - you go upstairs, you pack his bags, 157 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,110 shove him in the car and take him home. 158 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:18,035 - Who's in charge, you or him? - He says, ''London'' every time l try. 159 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,829 And he could - plenty of boys his age just take off and... 160 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,515 He likes it here too much. While he's here he's safe. 161 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:31,195 - What have l done wrong? - He's 15, that's all. 162 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:36,070 Happens all over. Some boys don't come out of the closet - they explode. 163 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,913 What about his dad? Can't he do anything? 164 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:43,118 He won't talk about it. Won't talk at all. l can't tell anyone. 165 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,557 lf l tell his school they'll tell social services - they'll have to. 166 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,596 And then there's Helen. 167 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:54,151 She gets interviewed and her name on a register at ten years old. 168 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,631 - No, all they'd do is visit. - Oh, you'd know, wouldn't you? 169 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,310 l'm sorry, l didn't mean... 170 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:11,314 Got it wrong, didn't l? Somewhere along the line l got it all wrong. 171 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,916 But he'll be all right, won't he? 172 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,037 lf he's out on Canal Street, keep an eye on him. 173 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,237 - Course l will. - Thanks, l'd better... 174 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,072 Thank you. 175 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,756 Oh, well done, Vince, reduce a grown woman to tears. 176 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:36,152 Like no one's talked to her before. What's the matter with you? 177 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,231 l've got a date. 178 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,628 No. l don't want a pension. 179 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,029 Cameron, just stop right there. 180 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,192 No pension. No. 181 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,032 lt's all your fault. 182 00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:00,113 lf l end up with life insurance and endowment policies and things 183 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,270 you're paying for it, all right? 184 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,636 - Where are you anyway? - We're going to Via Fossa. 185 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,508 l've got a new friend called Martin so you won't be missed. 186 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,556 Thanks a lot. 187 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,676 Oh, my God, l'm here. 188 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,512 l'm going in. 189 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,398 Good luck. Keep your phone on. And Vince? 190 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,517 Just remember one thing - you're fantastic. 191 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,795 l'm a fantastic twat. 192 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,955 ls the Rembrandt still going? 193 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,679 Yeah, l go there. And Via Fossa. 194 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,479 And the Union, and Manto's, and Metz. 195 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,677 And Napoleon's, New York New York. And Cruz. 196 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,751 And Babylon and Paradise. 197 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,479 And Poptastic. Just every now and then. 198 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,796 - You're officially a scene queen. - l'm not. 199 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,356 l just go out a lot. How come you don't? 200 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,355 (Sighs) What is on that street that can surprise me? 201 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,908 But how are you gonna meet someone? 202 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,314 Hello. 203 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,152 Right. Yeah. 204 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,312 Are you having a starter? l never have a starter. 205 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,676 Yes, l will, l'm starving. l'm having a starter. 206 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,354 Blimey, look, there's hundreds of 'em! 207 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,556 Where's that wine? 208 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,995 (and Abba: Mamma Mia) 209 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,591 See anyone you like? 210 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,672 - There is one. - Which one? l might know him. 211 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,589 - Oh, right. - Sorry. 212 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,035 l don't suppose that...? 213 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,998 You wouldn't, not in a million years but... 214 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,791 l'll sign the contract if you're prepared to... 215 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,953 l mean it. l will, l'll sign...if... 216 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:56,038 That was my boyfriend on the phone - Vince. 217 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,554 He's seeing his accountant tonight. 218 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,437 That's OK. 219 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,715 l-l'll sign it anyway. 220 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,756 Sorry. 221 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:09,231 Tell you what, what about him? Tall blond one, he's up for anything. 222 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,276 l'll put in a good word for you. 223 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,397 - How old is he? - 15. 224 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,552 15? That's a bit revolting, isn't it? 225 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,958 Absolutely. 226 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:26,388 Nathan, l can see you now. Bet you can't remember my name, you dirty shagger. 227 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,074 - You hanging round for a bit? - No, we're going. 228 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,549 - We just got here. - We're going. 229 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,596 Nathan, love, calm down. 230 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,229 This might come as a shock but l'm not in love with you. 231 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:42,633 Back in a minute. l'll have a dry martini. lt's Daniel, by the way. Dazz. 232 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,271 Daniel from last night? Daniel the six foot two barrister with a BMW? 233 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,510 No, that's a different Daniel! 234 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,272 (Laughs) 235 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,157 (Laughs sarcastically) 236 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,278 lt's a nightmare. He says he's 36, the liar. 237 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,830 He's an old man. lt's like the auditions for Cocoon 3. 238 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,993 Tell him that story about the broken leg. That always works. 239 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:08,196 ls that Vince? Say hello from me. 240 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,475 Er, some twat says hello. 241 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,678 ls it Nathan? His mother had a right go at me. Keep an eye on him. 242 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,435 Never mind him, just think about yourself for once. 243 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:29,515 We could go somewhere afterwards. ls Cruz open? You're the expert. 244 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:34,833 Listen, l've got to make this call - there's this boy and no one's looking after him. 245 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,876 You don't mind? 246 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:43,473 Stuart, seriously, it's your fault he's left home. 247 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,949 - (Beep) - Hold on, call waiting. 248 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,474 - Yeah? - Stuart, thank you so much. 249 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,870 That's all Ben needs, another man to abandon him. 250 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,839 l did leave a message. lt's an emergency, l've got to work. 251 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:01,118 You're in a bar - l can hear it! How many dates do you think l get... 252 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,077 - (Beep) - 'Hold on.' 253 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,680 - Yeah? - Are you with Martin Brooks? 254 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,151 His wife's on the phone, she's had the roof fall in or something. 255 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,073 - Martin, it's your wife. - l'm not here. 256 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,038 - He's not here. - Call waiting. He's busy. 257 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,829 Look, could you put it down just for a minute? 258 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,992 - (Beeping) - Yeah. Sure. Sorry. 259 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,311 - lf you want to go clubbing, l... - (Mobile phone) 260 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,756 Sorry, l promised his mother. Hello? 261 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,196 - Vince, put him on the phone. - l'm not with Stuart. 262 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,590 You're always with him! l was supposed to be on a date! 263 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,514 Marie, honestly, l'm not. Hold on. Call waiting. 264 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,953 (Beeps) 265 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,110 - Yeah? - Vince, put him on. 266 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,510 l know he's taken Martin Brooks to some dive. 267 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,353 - l'm not with Stuart. - His wife's going mental. 268 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,635 - Whose wife? - Martin Brooks'! 269 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,836 - Who's Martin Brooks? - (Beep) 270 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,151 Hold on, call waiting. What?! 271 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,708 - You hung up. - Are you with Martin Brooks? 272 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,792 - How do you know him? - Sandra's chasing him. 273 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,474 - l've never heard of him! - 'Hold on.' 274 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,109 - He's not with Martin Brooks. - Who's Martin Brooks? 275 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:16,513 - Sorry, wrong one. No Martin Brooks. - He is and his roof has fallen in! 276 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,070 - Whose roof? - Martin Brooks'! 277 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:25,188 - Marie, is your date with Martin Brooks? - Who the fuck is Martin Brooks?! 278 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,478 - He's got a wife and a dodgy roof. - l know him. Let me have a word. 279 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,149 Oi! That's my phone! 280 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,756 Call me. 281 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,193 What with? 282 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,078 (and Blondie: Picture This) 283 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,914 - Bastard accountants. - Sweetheart, l've missed you. 284 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,915 l'm stocking up on this aftershave. 285 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,596 Oi, Donna says you've had him. 286 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,719 Well, that's the last you'll see of him. He's a chicken hawk. 287 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:17,157 Buy you dinner but once they've shagged you they won't look at you. 288 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,391 - l've had him twice. - He never bought you dinner. 289 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,119 - Do you like him? - He's all right. 290 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,715 Oh! Like Nathan's not completely in love? 291 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:31,191 Word of advice - he can swan about but there's one thing he's short of, 292 00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,430 he's not young and he knows it. 293 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,875 Your age, you can make him beg. 294 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,596 - What's your name? - Adrian. 295 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,148 Martin. Martin, Adrian. Off you go. 296 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,514 Drink? 297 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,556 (and Abba: SOS) 298 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:48,474 - Waste of time, he didn't even like me. - He must have. 299 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,235 No shag. He's gay, we go out on a date. Where's the shag? 300 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,996 l don't care. See that bloke there? He's been looking. l'm going over. 301 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,915 - He asked you out, he kissed you. - Then he went home! lt's unnatural. 302 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,992 ls it so hard to believe someone fancies you? 303 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,469 l don't care. l'm shagging. l am. 304 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,874 (Donna laughing) 305 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,952 Sorry, d'you mind shutting your mouth a bit? 306 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,996 Yeah, sure. 307 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,558 Er... 308 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,110 lt's just more sexy if you keep your mouth shut a bit. 309 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,156 Yeah, sure. 310 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,192 Oh, my God, you've got Genesis Of The Daleks! 311 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,748 - Yeah? - Can we watch it? 312 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:59,118 - We can watch it after, yeah? - Oh! Can we watch it now? 313 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,553 Please? 314 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:05,475 - 'Davros!' - 'Exterminate! Exterminate!' 315 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,391 'Exterminate!' 316 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,677 Cos this is the first time Davros ever appeared, 317 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,514 he's manipulating the war between the Kaleds and the Thals. 318 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,990 - l know. - Cos they were the first Daleks ever 319 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,356 and they were called the Mark Three Travel Machine. 320 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,476 l know, it's my tape. 321 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:28,719 Three more episodes! Molto bene, molto! 322 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,030 (Davros) '..the supreme creature, 323 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:34,317 'the ultimate conqueror of the universe! The Dalek!' 324 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,189 lt was all right. lt was nice. 325 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,236 Apart from the spitting. 326 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,276 l suppose you got lucky? 327 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,432 Good clubs, though. Must be marvellous doing that all the time. 328 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,954 - Do you think? - Should be good tonight. 329 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,315 What time is your train at? 330 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,356 Oh, l'll call and cancel. 331 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,159 - l'll tell Anne l've got to work. - Fine. 332 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,994 Cancel, go ahead, get pissed, get shagged. Fine! 333 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:07,039 Do it again and again, get shagged every night of your life. 334 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,509 Forget your wife, forget your kids. 335 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,559 Just don't be a tourist. You either do it or you don't. 336 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,438 So what's it gonna be? Staying or going? 337 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,154 My train's at half past. 338 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,517 They're all talking. Amanda Boyce for starters. 339 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,352 What did she say? 340 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,876 ''How come Nathan doesn't walk to school any more?'' 341 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,715 And Chinese Susan says, ''He's never home. lt's like there's a divorce.'' 342 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,711 What did you say? 343 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,234 l said nothing. l said l don't know. 344 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,278 - That is brilliant! - No, it's not! 345 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,558 lf school hears, you'll have education welfare down your back. 346 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,189 lt happened to Billy Valentine. They put him in care. 347 00:21:56,280 --> 00:22:00,034 - And he had real problems. - l've got real problems! 348 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:04,557 Oh, like what? Like your mother's been going through your things? 349 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,200 - Big deal! - She knew everything! 350 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,157 She'd been spying! 351 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,800 So? She's your mother, it's her job! 352 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,350 She thinks if l move back home l'll go back to normal. 353 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,715 Like l'm sick and l'll get better. 354 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,509 - She never said that. - You don't know her! You know nothing! 355 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,751 Cos you're straight! You're part of the system! 356 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,400 The fascist heterosexual orthodoxy! 357 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,233 l'm black and l'm a girl. 358 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,550 Try that for a week. 359 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,509 - l'm late, l'm on the midday shift. - You've got The Seeds Of Death! 360 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,556 lt's a classic! 361 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,913 l'll...come round and watch it some time. ls that all right? 362 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,956 Yeah. 363 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,069 Well...bye. 364 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,995 Beware the Mentiads! 365 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,149 (Door closes) 366 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,514 l took him to Alderley Edge, he loved it. 367 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,989 - Vince not with you? - Should he be? 368 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:13,154 l was talking to Alfred. We've been entertaining another of your babies. 369 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:17,233 When Helen was five she used to ride piggyback. Hiya. 370 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,914 - Why are you here? - l was passing. 371 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,788 Weekends, l could look after Alfred. You know, baby-sit. 372 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,997 You work all week you must be worn out at your age. 373 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,470 We like Nathan. Nathan can stay. 374 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,350 lt's like having a houseboy - he could do the garden! 375 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,399 lt's the Stuart Jones Foundation For Fallen Boys. 376 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,837 - Can l help it if he's obsessed? - At 15? What does that make you? 377 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,798 - A train set? A PlayStation? - (Laughing) 378 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:53,437 (Ghanaian accent) Sorry, am l interrupting? This must be Stuart? 379 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,636 Heard all about you, mate. 380 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,314 l have heard nothing about you, mate. 381 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,392 Lance. Lance Ampomah. Nice to meet you. 382 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,917 l have told you. Lance works at the university. We did a seminar on ethics. 383 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,956 lf you listened. 384 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:12,318 He's moved in. He's got the room at the back. Our token straight. 385 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:16,029 Oh, look at Alfie. lsn't he hot in that? Do you mind? 386 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,149 - (Crying) - Oh, oh, oh, come here big fella, yes? 387 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,470 Er, moved in since when? 388 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,109 Oh, it's not for long. My visa expires in five months. 389 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:35,955 l had to move flats last week so Romey helped me out. 390 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,315 l'm another one of her lost causes. 391 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,312 You can't turn your back on this house. 392 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,470 And yet you still do. 393 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,996 (Lance) Oh, there we go. 394 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,958 - Look at that. Oh... - (Gurgling) 395 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,031 Oh-oh, who can fly then? 396 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:55,590 Yes. Yes, you can. And again! 397 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,718 Knock knock. lt's Eileen's last day, we're going for a drink. 398 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,110 - D'you fancy coming? - Er, no... Sort of busy. 399 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,909 - Anything interesting? - No, just this friend. 400 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,151 - l might not go. - ls it a date? 401 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,310 Erm... 402 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,152 Might be. 403 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,590 Have a good time. Good for you. 404 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,151 lf you don't go we'll be in the Feathers at seven. 405 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,756 Hello, it's me, Vince. 406 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,436 l did phone. l left a message. 407 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:11,911 ls this what you do on Saturdays, apologise for the week? 408 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,911 The childminder's a bit stupid with messages. 409 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,072 - Get an answerphone. - l had one. Robert took it. 410 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,116 Here, get a new one. 411 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,237 The car needs a service, the clutch is going. 412 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,835 - How much? - 200. 413 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:34,711 And Tom's nagging for software, he wants a new graphics package. 414 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,677 Just call it 500, yeah? 415 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,159 Fine. 416 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,749 - Oh, Mum and Dad are getting a divorce. - Yeah, yeah. Funny. 417 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,799 You've been to see them? Driven all of ten miles to see them? 418 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,077 Course, they don't tell golden boy. l get it all. 419 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:54,233 - What have they said? - You could just write them a cheque. 420 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,313 lf you don't believe me, go and see them. l'll draw you a map. 421 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,075 (and Pounding techno) 422 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,469 Honestly, l don't mind, we could go down Castlefield. 423 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,516 You like this place, you said. 424 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,512 lt's your day, we're doing what you like. 425 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,152 Problem is, it all starts to look the same. 426 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,313 l spent three years in Sydney, you know? lt's fantastic. 427 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,359 The scene's huge, hundreds of pubs, and then l come here, 428 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,352 halfway across the world and what do l find? 429 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,910 The same men standing in the same clubs. 430 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:40,399 - Yeah. What's the same? - The men. 431 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,436 Right. 432 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,751 - Same as what? - The same as Sydney. 433 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,752 - She was at the funeral, that woman. - What woman? 434 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,070 (Cameron) That one there. 435 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:54,038 Hey! Where the fuck have you been?! 436 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:57,271 Hiya. Stuart, Cameron. You've met. 437 00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:00,033 That's right, yeah, we met by the buffet. 438 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:03,396 l liked that buffet, it was fucking excellent. 439 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,869 - You're pissed. - Get me a drink! 440 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,989 (and Touch And Go: Would You Go To Bed With Me? ) 441 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,676 and Would you go to bed with me? 442 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,673 - What does an account director do? - l direct accounts. 443 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,396 Some of it's shit but some of the clients are good. 444 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,552 Manchester indie labels, that sort of thing. 445 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,596 l could do it in my sleep. 446 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,433 l don't know. l'm thinking about moving. 447 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,431 l'm lookin' around. 448 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,478 - What for? - Anything. 449 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:57,590 There's always something better, isn't there? Waiting to come along. 450 00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,511 D'you know that feeling? 451 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,516 Here you go. 452 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,035 You took your time. l missed you. 453 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,716 Oh, don't mind me. 454 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:15,716 - Where's he going? - Up his own arse. 455 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:27,277 There it is. Not much. D'you want a drink? 456 00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:30,272 - You having one? - Just one. l can't stay up. 457 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,316 l'm working first thing. 458 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,119 - Gin and tonic. - Yeah? Gin and tonic. 459 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:39,830 Sorry about Stuart. l haven't seen him that pissed in ages. 460 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,070 Some friend. He made a pass at me. 461 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,116 No, he's always like that. 462 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,795 Vince, l've been around the block. He was making a pass. 463 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,474 No, really, he wouldn't fancy you. 464 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,437 Thanks(!) 465 00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,999 No, l mean... 466 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,393 lt's just types, you know? He wouldn't. 467 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:04,996 He did. 468 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,349 lt's nice. Nice place. 469 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,149 Ahh... Doctor Who. 470 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,596 We used to get that. Scared me as a kid. 471 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,034 The one with the shop window dummies. 472 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,396 And that one with the maggots. That was good. 473 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:31,192 How many tapes have you got? You one of those anorak blokes? 474 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,350 - Your tapes! - Sod the tapes! 475 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,436 Which tapes? 476 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:15,518 Excuse me, we've had complaints about excessive perspiration! 477 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,956 ls there the chance to shag one of the staff? 478 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,270 Oh, Australian. Very nice. 479 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,989 - Our Vince has got himself a fella. - Very nice too. 480 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,150 l said hello! Look at me! 481 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,515 Fuck 'em! Just fuck 'em! 482 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:32,160 - Your mother been shagging? - Shut up! 483 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,871 Bastard! You little b... 484 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,670 What the fuck do you mean?!